Season 8
by Farewellxo
Summary: My take on what season 8 should have been, with Eric in the picture and Sam and Randy out. It's been worked on for a while, so I hope you like it! All episodes are named after Rush songs.
1. Ep 1: What're You Doing

**A/N: Okay, so I know this idea is not so fresh… but I thought it'd be interesting to try it. Season 8, completely redone WITH Eric and plenty of other differences. It's gonna start out similarly to the first episode, but the repeats stop there, I swear. Please enjoy and review, let me know what you think. All episodes are songs by Rush.**

**Episode 1 – What're You Doing**

Donna, Eric, Fez, and Kitty are sitting at the kitchen table.

"Well Eric, I'm so glad you changed your mind about Africa," Kitty Forman said to her son as they sat at the kitchen table.

"Yeah, Eric," Fez agreed. "With you gone, I would be stuck here watching Jackie and Hyde fight and Kelso hit on Donna."

Donna snorted. "Like that's ever gonna change."

Eric smiled. "Yeah, well, after I found out that I could be making some money with this paid teaching internship, I figured that leaving would just be a bad decision."

"You know I couldn't stand living here with just your father," Kitty said with a laugh. "The only things he needs from me are his meals. But my baby still needs my love." She smiled adoringly at Eric as the sliding door opened.

Kelso's head popped in. "Is Hyde here?"

Kitty shook her head. "No, Michael, you're safe. We still haven't heard from Steven since he left Chicago a month ago," she said worriedly.

"I don't know what I'm doin' here," Kelso said nervously, walking in the house. "Hyde could show up any minute and kick my ass." He hurried over to the fridge and opened it, passing Fez. "I really need a soda since I just ate a bunch of salt," he said, taking a coke and screwing the top off. "Why's it so good?" He grinned, taking a swig of his soda.

Fez smiled at him. "I don't know, why don't you ask Hyde? He's right behind you!"

Kelso's eyes widened and he screamed in fear; then turned around and saw nobody. He looked back at Fez, who was still smiling. "That's not even funny." He walked off into the basement.

Eric shook his head with a smile on his face. "Man, I wonder where Hyde is. I mean, he should know better by now that Kelso _always _makes sexual jokes. Towards Donna; towards Jackie… hell, I think I even got a few."

"I know, and Jackie's been freaking out," Donna said. "Remember the day Kelso came home and told us?"

**FLASHBACK:**

Kelso is in the basement with Donna, Fez, and Charlie. "No, hardly anything happened. Okay, Jackie asked for me to stay because she was lonely. Next thing you know, I'm naked." He turned to Fez and Charlie. "Then, Hyde shows up and kicks me out the door, and so I had to drive all the way back here in this dress that I found." He sighed. "All the truckers were flashin' their lights, and honkin' their horns." He stopped and grinned, crossing his arms. "It was pretty great," he admitted.

"Man, Hyde is gonna kick your ass," Charlie said, looking at Kelso.

Kelso nodded. "I know. I gotta get out of here before someone kicks the crap outta me." He heads for the door, but it opens on its own, revealing Jackie. Kelso gasped.

Jackie's eyes widened. "You jerk!" She started hitting him, causing Fez to separate them.

"Hey, hey!" Fez cried, pushing Jackie away from Kelso. "Watch the face! That's the paycheck."

Donna, standing by the deep freeze, spoke up. "Jackie, aren't you supposed to be in Chicago?"

"Well, I'm here to get Steven back," Jackie said, still in the doorway. "Uh, where is he?"

"Oh, he's not here," Fez said, sitting on the edge of the couch. "He took off after he caught you two about to-" He sang: "Do iiiiittt!"

"Oh God, this is horrible," Jackie said, walking over to sit on the couch. "I lost my job; I lost my boyfriend." She paused. "My whole life is ruined."

"Jackie," Kelso said, making his way toward her. "I'm really sorry about what happened." He sat next to her. "I never meant to come between you and Hyde." He turned toward her. "Lemme ask you a question: are we back together or not?" He gestured between himself and her.

Jackie gave him a disgusted look. "Oh, you are just as dumb as ever."

"You know, you can insult me all you want, but just answer the question," Kelso said.

"No!" Jackie responded.

"No, you won't answer the question? Why not?" Kelso asked.

"Because we're not together!" Jackie shouted.

"_That's _the reason you won't answer the question?" Kelso asked.

"No!" Jackie yelled.

"Then what's the reason?" Kelso asked, exasperated.

Jackie bit her lip and rolled her eyes.

**END FLASHBACK**

"Yep, that went on for about a half hour," Donna said, remembering the incident as her father entered.

"Hey Kitty," Bob said. "I need to borrow some butter or oil… pretty much anything greasy."

"Are you cooking?" Kitty asked, giving him a weird look.

"Nope," Bob responded, "Tanning."

Kitty raised her eyebrows and got up, walking to the cupboard.

oOoOoOo

Kitty, Fez, Donna, and Eric are sitting in the living room, watching TV.

"You know," Kitty said. "I don't understand this 'Dukes of Hazzard.' All they seem to do is wreck things!"

"No, you see, Mom," Eric said, pointing to the television. "The main aspect of the show is Daisy's shorts." He smiled, looking back at the TV.

"You can say that again, Eric," Fez said with a grin. "Never have I ever seen such beautiful legs."

Donna, sitting in the middle of Fez and Eric, elbowed them both in the ribs one by one. "Pervs."

"You know, Eric," Kitty said, looking at her son. "I'm so glad you stayed. I thought I wouldn't be happy until I saw your face again."

Just then, Hyde walked through the swinging door. "Hey."

Kitty jumped up. "Steven's home!" She ran over and hugged him. Fez rushed over.

"Okay, Miss Kitty, he doesn't like to be hugged," Fez said, removing her from Hyde. Then he quickly turned to Hyde, giving him a hug as well as Hyde winced. "Don't you ever leave me again," Fez said, slapping his friend's arm.

Kelso walked in from the kitchen. "Spilled my soda- Hyyyde." He froze, looking at his friend in front of him. "I don't know what to say," he admitted.

"What about 'ow'?" Hyde suggested.

"Why would I said 'ow'?" Kelso asked, and Hyde punched him, sending him to the floor.

"Ow!" Kelso cried; then started laughing on the floor. "Oh, I get it."

"Oh my God!" Donna shouted, watching.

"Come on, man, get up," Hyde said.

"Why, so you can deck me again?" Kelso asked.

"No, actually I'm fine now," Hyde admitted. "Everything I wanted to say was in that one punch. Come on." He reached down to help Kelso up.

Kelso took Hyde's hand and got up, looking dumbly at Hyde. "It was a good one, too," he admitted. "I peed myself a little on the way down." Hyde gave him a disgusted look. "I'm gonna go change." He walked through into the kitchen.

Eric stood up. "Hyde, where've you been?"

Hyde started walking towards them. "I've been in Las Vegas, my man, and I learned this: You don't wanna show up to a Don Rickles show with puffy hair."

Kitty stood up, looking at Hyde. "Well, you could have let us know where you were. I was worried sick about you and I am ver-"

"Got you this," Hyde said, holding up an item.

"A little tiny slot machine!" She reached out and took this; then kissed Hyde. "It is so cute!"

Jackie entered from the kitchen. "Steven, you're back! Look, we have to talk."

"About what, how you nailed Kelso?" Hyde asked.

Jackie put her hands on her hips. "No, about our relationship."

"Oh, okay, I'll start. You nailed Kelso!" Hyde said.

"You never gave me a chance to explain!" Jackie said.

"Because you nailed Kelso!" Hyde shouted.

Eric smiled and nudged Donna. "I love when he screams at her."

"Steven, I never even slept with Michael," Jackie explained.

"Yeah, right," Hyde said. "Because Kelso's always showing up at my hotel room, naked with a bucket of ice."

"You know, this is your fault, too," Jackie said, and Hyde glared at her. "Come on, Steven."

"No, forget it." He walked away.

Jackie sighed. "Well, I guess that's that." She walked the other way.

"Well, that was horrible," Donna muttered.

"I know," Fez agreed. "Where the hell is my little tiny slot machine?"

oOoOoOo

Eric, Donna, Fez, and Kelso are sitting in the basement.

"I still can't believe what happened to Charlie last week," Eric said, sitting on the couch with his arm around Donna. "It kinda makes me never want to go on the water tower again."

"Come on, Eric," Fez said. "It's our territory. We marked it with our words."

"Actually, that was me," Kelso said. "I learned the way of the dogs." He grinned. "By the way, that means I peed on it."

Donna gave him a disgusted look. "Gross. Now I'm officially never going up there again." She turned to the rest of the group. "I can't believe he died falling off. I mean, Kelso's fallen off like a zillion times, and he's fine."

Eric nudged her and gave her a look. "But is he really?"

"Whatever, but the water tower is always gonna be _my_ spot, no matter what they 'officially' named it." Kelso used air quotes and rolled his eyes. "I mean, my name is on it, my pee is on it…" He shrugged.

"His blood, too," Donna added. "You don't just fall off without getting cut open."

"Nah," Kelso said, shaking his head. "The blood is from that time Jackie kicked me really hard, 'cause I cheated on her again. She was wearing pointy shoes."

"Of course," Donna said with a sigh, and stood up. "Speaking of Jackie, I'm gonna go talk to her. She's probably upset about Hyde, and when she's upset, she reads my diary and erases what I write to put more 'realistic' things in it." She rolled her eyes. "Like I don't tell the truth. Those guys _did _want my number!" She walked out the door.

"Yep, Forman," Kelso said, stretching. "Your woman is pretty popular around town. Good thing you're still here, 'cause I would have gotten to her first." He grinned and got a popsicle.

"And me next," Fez said excitedly. "Once she has brown sugar, she'll never go back to you whiteys." He grinned, and Eric rolled his eyes.

oOoOoOo

"Jackie, Hyde just needed to blow off some steam. You guys aren't over," Donna said, sitting cross-legged on her bed while Jackie lay on her stomach, looking the other way while hugging a pillow.

Jackie said nothing.

"Well, if you won't talk to me, then maybe you'll talk to Mr. Fluffycakes." Donna pulled out Jackie's stuffed unicorn, and Jackie turned around. "Jaaackie," Donna said in a horse-voice and puffed her lips. "My magical horn senses that you're sad and you need someone to talk to." Donna smiled, holding the unicorn.

Jackie sat up, took Fluffycakes, and ripped his head off, then returned to her previous position after throwing his head and body on Donna.

"Great," Donna said sarcastically, picking up the head. "Now he can't hear you." She got up and walked to the other side of the room as Kelso walked in.

"Hey, Jackie," Kelso said, walking towards her.

She sat up. "Oh, what do you want?"

He frowned. "Man, I feel really bad about the way things turned out. You and Hyde should be together, okay? Go talk to him."

"There's no point, okay?" Jackie said. "You know, I think Steven never really wanted to be with me at all." She frowned. "This must be how ugly people feel all the time."

Kelso stared, then said: "Well, I wouldn't know about the ugly thing," while pointing to himself. "But, I do know that he does wanna be with you. I mean, why else would he drive all the way to Chicago to propose to you?"

Jackie's head perked up and her eyes widened. "Wait, what? Oh my God." She smiled excitedly and covered her mouth. "Steven was gonna propose. I-I have to find him!" She jumped off the bed and ran out the door.

"Tell you what, that's the last time I'm gonna mess around with a girl with a boyfriend," Kelso said, looking at the door, and Donna looked at him.

"Kelso, your hand is on my butt," she said and walked away.

"Come on, he's not even here!" Kelso called after her.

oOoOoOo

Hyde was sitting on the couch in the living room with a beer in his hand, watching TV, when Jackie walked in.

"Hey," she said, slowly entering.

"Hey," Hyde replied as she sat next to him. They sat awkwardly for a moment, then Jackie spoke.

"Steven, I am so sorry about what happened in Chicago," Jackie said, sounding sincere. "Okay, I was alone and I thought I lost you."

"Yeah, well," Hyde said, twiddling his thumbs, "I can see why you thought that."

"Look, why didn't you tell me sooner you wanted to get married?" Jackie asked.

Hyde shrugged. "Because I wasn't sure I wanted to." He paused. "And now that I've thought about it, I'm right. I'm not ready to be married yet."

"Yet?" Jackie asked, and slowly smiled. "Oh, okay." She nodded, and the doorbell rang.

Kitty ran into the living room and opened the door, revealing a blonde woman.

"Hi, I'm looking for-" She stopped and saw him. "Hyde!" She dropped her suitcase and ran to him. "Hey, baby."

Hyde gave her a strange look. "Hey, Sam."

"Who the hell is that?" Jackie asked, disgusted.

Hyde gestured to the woman. "This is Sam. She's a s… exotic dancer I met in Vegas." He turned to Sam. "Uh, I'm sorry, what are you doing here?"

"You don't remember?" Sam asked, surprised. "We got married!"

Jackie's mouth dropped open. "Oh my God!" She exited the room, storming off.

Hyde gaped at Sam. "What?"

oOoOoOo

Hyde sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. "Oh my God, what did I do?"

Red stood at the counter pouring his coffee. "You married a Las Vegas stripper," he stated. "Congratulations. You're the new town dumbass."

"Steven." Kitty rushed to the table with a pastry in her hands. "How could you get married and not remember?" She set the plate down. "It's not like forgetting where you left your keys, or where you parked your car, or…" She paused. "Your tenth anniversary," she said harshly, looking in Red's direction.

Red rolled his eyes. "Kitty, that was thirteen years ago!"

"Fifteen!" Kitty exclaimed.

"Has it been that long?" Red asked snarkily.

"I don't know what happened," Hyde admitted. "I mean, Samantha and I hung out for three weeks, and then one night we got really drunk, and I remember waking up with a killer hangover, thinking I'd better get out of Vegas before I do something stupid." He paused. "So close!"

Sam walked in the kitchen. "Here's some pictures of our wedding," she said, handing the photos to Kitty. "We found this beautiful little chapel called 'Weddings and Waffles.'"

Hyde glanced at the photos and looked at Sam. "We got married by an Elvis impersonator?"

"Oh, and look at his name," Kitty said, pointing. "Elvis Priestley." She laughed. "Isn't that clever?"

"Wow, that must've been some wedding," Red said as he looked at a photo. "It's not too often that you see the bride jump out of her own cake!" He walked away.

"Man, it's starting to come back to me," Hyde admitted as he held his head. "I remember seeing a cross and an altar, but I thought I was just having an exorcist dream again."

"Where's the stripper?" Kelso entered the house frantically, and then saw Sam. "There she is! There's a stripper in the kitchen! Am I yelling? I can't help it! Oh, Hyde, you married a stripper!" He hugged his friend. "I love you!" Hyde winced, and Kelso pulled away.

"You must be Kelso," Sam said, offering her hand and Kelso shook it. "I'm Samantha Hyde."

"Oh my God, you took my name?" Hyde asked, and she nodded.

"Oh, Steven," Kitty said as she got up. "You look like you're about to throw up. " She pulled something out from under the counter. "Here, use Eric's whoopsie basin." She handed it to him. "Aim for the Snoopy."

"I gotta get out of here," Hyde said as he stood up. "I'm gonna go to the record store."

"Wait, Hyde," Kelso said as he stood up. "You're freakin' out, man. You married a stripper! You're living every guy's dream!" He paused. "Well, not my dream; my dream is always the same. Monkey gives me the finger, and…" He shook his head. "Flaps his lips at me, and takes off my clothes." Hyde stared at him. "Trust me, you don't wanna live that dream," Kelso said.

Hyde walked out the door and Kelso followed, but not before flirtily waving to Sam.

**Well, there you go. Pretty similar, right? Not for long. The next chapter follows along with the second episode of the eighth season, but once… some things are eliminated, I'll have separate plots. Please review!**

**-Farewell, xo**


	2. Ep 2: Finding My Way

**Episode 2 - Finding My Way:**

Hyde and Kelso are walking into the record store.

"What's the store doing closed in the middle of the day?" Hyde asked as he tried to open the locked door.

"Maybe its Rosh Hashanah," Kelso suggested.

Hyde gave him a weird look, and unlocked the door. They walked in to find the room filled with smoke and hippies, sitting cross-legged on the floor. Psychedelic music was playing and Leo was lying in the center of the circle that was composed of people.

"Hey, dude!" Leo said, sitting up. "Pull up a pillow!"

"Leo, what the hell did you do to my record store?" Hyde asked.

"Record store?" Leo asked, standing. "You know, now that you mention it, this place would make an awesome record store." He looked around.

"I left you in charge, and you turned my store into a hippie den for your stoner friends?" Hyde asked.

"That's not true, man," Leo said. "I don't know any of these people."

Hyde looked around. "Leo, I am not in the mood for this today. Just get these people out of here, alright? I'll be in my office." He walked away; then turned around.

"Leo, there's an orgy in my office!" Hyde yelled. "I can't tell the boys from the girls; there's hair everywhere!"

Leo walked over to Hyde's office, threw off his jacket, and entered the room.

"Man." Kelso shook his head. "This is no way to spend Rosh Hashanah."

Hyde just stared at him.

oOoOoOo

Donna sat on the deep freeze, looking through a View-Finder. "I can't believe Hyde." She put the toy down. "I mean, he completely broke Jackie's heart. Who just goes and marries a stripper?"

Fez gave her a weird look. "What, are you dense?" He threw his hands out. "Anybody who can, that's who!"

Eric nodded from the couch. "Yeah, Donna, opportunities like that come once in a lifetime. You can't say no to that."

Donna stood up and put her hands on her hips. "Would you leave me for a stripper?"

Eric casually shrugged, and Donna walked towards him and he braced himself. "No! Of course not, honey!"

Donna sat down beside him on the couch. "That's what I thought. But really, Jackie's so upset. I'm worried about her."

"Come on, Donna," Eric said. "I mean, think of all the times that Jackie tried to control Hyde. I'm sure he didn't want that." He paused. "It's like… well, bitchy controlling brat or hot blonde who takes off her clothes." He put leveled his hands out and put one higher than the other. "I think we know which one every guy's gonna choose." Donna punched him in the shoulder. "Hey, I've already got the second one, alright?" Eric said with a grin.

"Not for long if you keep that up," Donna warned.

Fez nodded from where he was standing near the washer and dryer. "I wish I had a hot blonde that takes her clothes off. First you, now Hyde…"

"And I'm sure Kelso's under one right now," Donna pointed out, and Fez and Eric nodded in agreement.

"Lucky bastards," Fez muttered under his breath.

oOoOoOo

Sam sat on a chair with her feet on the table, painting her toe nails when Kitty walked in.

"Oh, Samantha," Kitty said. "You're painting your toes in the kitchen. That's funny because I was just making meatloaf in the bathroom." She nervously laughed.

"Sorry," Sam said, taking her feet off the table. "Hyde told me how much he likes painted toes." She got a strange look on her face. "He told me some other things he liked, but I said 'Hey, I'm a stripper, not a contortionist." She smiled.

"Well, isn't that just more than a mother wants to hear," Kitty said anxiously with a phony smile. She walked toward Sam as she put the chair back. "Okay, so, I'm curious… what is your act like? Do you sing?"

"No, I just dance," Sam explained.

"Oh, well when I was younger I took tap. Do you do tap?" Kitty asked.

"No, but funny you should mention it. I strip to Taps!" She smiled.

Kitty gave her a weird look. "You mean the song they play when an army man dies?"

"Yeah!" Sam said, and stepped away from the counter. "It's my tribute to our armed forces." She moved her hand in a circular motion. "I wave the American flag, and then for the big finish, I give a salute and I smack my fanny." She slapped her butt right as Red walked in.

He looked surprised. "Sorry, uh-"

"No, I'm sorry," Sam said and looked at Kitty. "This thing has a mind of its own." She grabbed her butt and walked away.

"Red," Kitty said as her husband approached her. "I'm not sure how I feel about having a stripper stay in our home. Its… what's the word… an abomination!"

"I don't think Steven even knew what he was doing when he married her," Red said. "It sounds like he was as schnockered as you were on Saint Patrick's Day."

"Okay, well that green punch just sneaks up on you," Kitty insisted, and Red rolled his eyes. Kitty continued, "I think Steven has made a huge mistake."

"Well, what're we gonna do?" Red asked. "Kick Sam out?"

"Oh, we will do no such thing," Kitty said. "You will." She pointed at her husband.

"Oh, fine," Red muttered. "But the next time you hit a deer, you're the one putting it out of its misery with the tire iron!"

oOoOoOo

Hyde was sitting at the counter, talking to Sam, who pulled a beer out of the fridge and handed it to him.

"So anyway," Hyde said, "Leo ended up having all of these people over at the record store when I was gone, and it could have shut me down." He shook his head. "It was nasty… it smelled like sweat and grass in there."

"Why did you go leave for a month anyway?" Sam asked, leaning on the counter.

Hyde shrugged. "Needed a vacation."

Sam raised her eyebrows. "Why would you go on vacation alone? You couldn't have suspected that you'd end up marrying a stripper and changing your life forever." She smiled.

"Well, I-" He was interrupted by the swinging door opening, revealing Kitty and Red.

"Oh good, you're both here," Kitty said happily as Red stood behind her. "We wanna talk to you about your marriage."

Red cleared his throat. "Steven, I've come to think of you as a son and so I wanna give you some honest, heartfelt advice… get your head out of your ass." Hyde smirked, and Red continued. "You two barely know each other."

Kitty nodded. "Not to mention I saw a TV movie where someone like you moved in and killed the whole family." She anxiously looked around and walked toward Hyde. "Steven, honey, if this isn't what you want, you should say so now. I know how you've always felt about marriage, and since this was a drunken mishap anyway…"

"God, we've had plenty of those in this family," Red put in, rolling his eyes.

"Oh hush, Red," Kitty said, and continued. "I just… I don't think it's such a great idea for you two to stay married." She gave Hyde and Sam a nervous look, waiting for their response.

Hyde stopped and thought, then shrugged. "Whatever, man."

Kitty looked nervously at Red, then back at Hyde. "What exactly does that mean?"

Hyde opened his mouth to say something when the phone rang. Kitty grabbed it and picked up the phone. "Hello?… yes, she's right here… who's speaking? …alright." She covered the phone with her hand. "Samantha? A man named Larry is asking for you."

Hyde frowned. "Larry?"

Sam walked over to the phone. "Larry?… I got married, silly… I don't care, Larry… shut up… wait, my credit card?" She frowned. "Alright, bye." She hung up.

"Who was that?" Hyde asked.

Sam frowned. "That was Larry… my actual husband."

Kitty gasped and Red got a weird look on his face.

"Your actual husband?" Hyde asked in disbelief, and gestured to himself. "I thought I was your actual husband!"

"You see, Larry's a guy I married a long time ago. He asked me to marry him while I was working one night, and he has tons of money." Sam nodded. "He pays for everything I need. I don't love him, though; not like I love you."

Hyde snorted. "You don't love me. You barely know me."

"Well, he found out where I was, and said he'll cut me off if I don't return to Vegas," Sam explained. "So it solves our problem."

Kitty smiled. "Well, isn't that just… strange."

"So you're leaving?" Hyde asked, and Sam nodded.

"I have to." She turned toward Kitty and Red. "I'll be out of your home by tomorrow morning." She went downstairs, and Kitty turned to Red, giving him a look of disbelief.

oOoOoOo

Eric, Donna, Fez, Hyde, Kelso, and Jackie are sitting in the basement.

"So she just left?" Eric asked. "God, that was short-lived."

"Why'd you let her go?" Kelso whined. "She was just what this group needed."

"Kelso, she was married to another man, for God's sake," Donna said. "The marriage was a sham."

Jackie snorted. "We didn't need her in this group. Sluts aren't welcome in the basement, you know!"

"We let you down here," Hyde retorted and Jackie gasped.

"I am _not_ a slut," she said angrily.

Fez raised his eyebrows. "Well, as much as I love my goddess, I can't help but think of what could have been with that glorious stripper here." He looked upward and thought.

**DREAM SEQUENCE:**

Fez sat in the basement eating candy when Sam walked into the basement, wearing a pink corset and underwear with fishnet tights and high heels.

"Sam, what're you doing here?" Fez asked.

"Oh Fez, you know I couldn't resist you," Sam murmured.

"But Sam, you're married to Hyde!" Fez said in an innocent voice.

"Hyde isn't here," Sam said huskily. "Plus, I like my men like I like my coffee… brown, with milk and sugar." She licked her lips and strutted towards Fez, sitting on his lap.

"Oh, what the hell," Fez said, throwing his candy behind the couch, and the two started making out.

**END DREAM SEQUENCE**

Hyde snorted. "Whatever, man. All I know is that I'm a free man again, and I can do what I want, when I want, without anybody pushing me around."

"Come on, Hyde," Donna said. "You and Jackie were gonna get back together right before Sam walked in. We know you still care."

Hyde rolled his eyes. "It's nice to have a shrill voice shrieking in my ear all the time, so I'm gonna have to decline."

"I'll give him a week," Eric whispered to Donna.

"You know what, Steven?" Jackie asked. "I'm sick of getting your hobo smell on me anyways, so I'm done with you as well." She raised her eyebrows and stood up. "I'm going to the mall to go flirt with that guy at the Avon kiosk who always hits on me." She walked out the door and Hyde watched her.

"Damn, it's happening again," Fez muttered under his breath.

"No, it's not, Fez," Hyde said. "And she's so wrong. No guy working at a makeup stand can be straight."

Donna shrugged, got up, and walked to the door. "I'm gonna go home. My dad's probably got dinner on already, and I'd better get there before he sets the kitchen on fire again."

"I want to go!" Fez said, standing up and following Donna; then turned to the rest of the group. "I love a nice burnt home-cooked meal. It takes me back to the days of roasting animals on a stick over a fire." He smiled and left with Donna.

oOoOoOo

Donna and Fez entered her room and saw Jackie on the bed.

"Jackie, I thought you were going to the mall," Donna said.

"Nah," Jackie replied. "I just needed to get away from Steven. In fact, I just need to get away from everything."

"Jackie-" Donna started to say, but Jackie cut her off.

"No, Donna," she said. "You don't understand. Steven got _married,_ and once he finds out it's a sham, he rejects me. You don't understand how bad this hurts. I just… I need something to take my mind off of him."

"I think I have an idea," Donna said with a grin.

**CIRCLE:**

"Who does Steven think he is?" Jackie asked. "Why wouldn't he want me? He practically begged for me to get back with him after he cheated on me with that one time. Well, I'm not playing his game." She huffed.

Fez shrugged. "You're right. Having a lady is better than not having a lady. But having a stripper is better than having anything." He smiled, looking like he was in a trance.

"Jackie, Hyde's just getting over a lot of things," Donna explained. "By the way, that Avon guy doesn't hit on you; he compliments you on your shoes. Those are two _way_ different things." She giggled.

"Steven is out of his mind," Jackie said angrily. "He was gonna ask me to marry him, and then the skank shows up, and he forgets all about me."

"I'm just throwing this out there," Fez said. "You could have sex with me to get back at him."

Donna laughed. "Ew." She stopped and thought. "I'm so glad Eric's back. He's so cute and tiny." She used her thumb and index finger, putting an inch length between them.

"Eric?" Jackie asked, "No way. Donna, if you need a boyfriend, pick a man! That's why I'm with Steven!" She paused, and her eyes widened. "Wait."

"Jackie, don't be sad," Fez said comfortingly and put a hand on her shoulder and started to move it over.

"Hey!" Jackie pushed him away, and Fez fell out of his seat.

"Ay!" Fez yelped. "My pride!"

**END CIRCLE**

Kelso is in the basement with Fez.

"Okay, Fez," Kelso said, putting a new jacket on Fez. "You look great. Ready to go stripper-hunting?"

"Yes, Kelso, I am ready for Vegas!" Fez grinned. "I will have a stripper married to me in no time."

"And you'll bring her right back, you hear me?" Kelso said, looking directly at his friend.

"Yes, sir!" Fez saluted.

"And what are you gonna tell her?" Kelso asked.

"I am a rich, successful business man from Kenosha…" Fez stopped to think.

"And?" Kelso asked.

"And I have another handsome business man friend at home named Kelso," Fez said miserably.

"You're all ready to go, buddy!" Kelso yelled, hugging Fez, then stopped to think. "Wait, do we need tickets or somethin'?"

They look at each other in confusion.


	3. Ep 3: Cinderella Man

**Episode 3 – Cinderella Man**

Eric, Donna, Kelso, and Fez are in the driveway, playing basketball. Jackie walks up to them.

"Is Steven here?" she asked.

"No," Eric said. "He's working… since he has a job."

Jackie rolled her eyes. "I need to talk to him. I just don't understand why he chose that stupid stripper over me… it took me _forever_ to get him to hear the word 'marriage' and not cringe, and then he just goes and marries someone he doesn't know?"

"I don't know, I mean, he was pretty drunk, Jackie," Donna said.

"I don't care," she pouted. "Is there something just un-marry-able about me?" Kelso raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth, but Jackie spoke again, shaking her head. "No, that can't be it. I'm like, the ideal wife!"

"How do you know?" Eric asked. "You don't cook; you don't clean-"

"Does that mean that that's what marriage is all about?" Donna asked, turning towards him angrily. "I'm only good for cooking and cleaning and producing babies?"

"N-no, Donna," Eric said, scared. "I mean, when you think of the ideal wife-"

"So a woman can't work?" Donna asked, glaring at him.

"No, no, just… forget I said anything," Eric muttered, and Donna continued glaring at him, then threw the basket ball at him, which bounced off of his shoulder.

Jackie stared at them. "Whatever, okay?" She flipped her hair. "I am Jackie Burkhart. Everything about me is perfect, right down to the name."

"Wait, you think 'Jackie' is the perfect name?" Donna asked with a little laugh.

Jackie gave her an amused smile. "Of course. Names are what _determine_ what we're like, Donna." She pointed to Kelso. "See, like Michael. When you hear the name 'Michael,' you think of a good-looking guy who likes cheating on their girlfriends and having illegitimate babies." She smiled and looked at Eric. "Now Eric, when I hear your name, I think of a skinny, nerdy boy, _obviously."_

Donna spoke up, "Jackie, you know that's not tr-"

"Donna is a name for a giant who could be pretty if she wore makeup, and for some reason likes doing boy things," Jackie said, eyeing the basketball, and turned to Fez. "And Fez clearly indicates a foreigner. I win!"

Donna opened her mouth, "Jackie-"

Fez interrupted her. "But my name is not Fez!"

"Well, we don't know how to say your real name," Jackie said, rolling her eyes. "So, Fez it is."

"But I don't want to be an obvious foreigner," Fez said, his accent thick. "I want to blend in with everybody else!"

Jackie shrugged. "Then change your name."

Fez's eyes widened. "You can do that?"

"Yeah, what?" Kelso asked, turning to join the conversation.

"Sure," Donna said. "If you go to the Secretary of State in Milwaukee, you can just fill out paperwork and your name will be legally changed."

Kelso and Fez turned to each other wide-eyed.

"What're you gonna make your name?" Kelso asked Fez.

"Hmm…" Fez paused, thinking. "Well, I think I look like a 'Michael.' Clearly, I'm handsome, and hey, if I had the chance to cheat on my girlfriend, I'd take it!"

"Right on, buddy!" Kelso high fived him. "I wanna change my name, too."

"You both realize that name changes are only used when necessary," Donna reminded them. "Like if you're getting stalked."

Kelso turned to Donna, looking disappointed. "So we aren't allowed to do it?"

Donna shrugged. "Well, I mean, you can, but-"

"Hell yeah!" Kelso shouted, high fiving Fez again. "I mean, I'm sure that there's already a few girls out there stalkin' me…" He shrugged. "I really don't care."

"Yes, yes, every so often I run into Crazy Caroline," Fez added, then grinned excitedly. "I can finally be Michael Kelso!" He jumped and put his arms in the air.

Eric gave him an incredulous look. "You're taking Kelso's name?"

"Why not?" Fez asked. "Kelso is changing his name."

"Kelso, do you really _need_ to change your name?" Donna asked, raising her eyebrows at her friend.

"Well, yeah!" Kelso shouted. "My name's too… common!"

Jackie watched, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. "You two are morons."

Eric turned around and looked at her. "You gave them the idea!"

"Whatever," Jackie said. "I didn't know it would actually happen!" She turned around. "I'm going to Grooves."

oOoOoOo

Hyde is behind the counter at the record store. Angie is arranging records.

"Okay, there's like nobody in here today," Angie stated, then looked at her brother. "Steven?"

He looked like he had been snapped out of a trance. "Huh?"

"What's up with you today?" she asked. "You're thinking and quiet, and I don't even think you've said anything about the government taking over the company today." She gave him a weird look. "What's wrong?"

Hyde sighed and walked to the couch, leaning against it. "I don't know, man. I got married to a stripper, and-"

"What?" Angie asked, clearly shocked, then grew serious. "Did this happen when you were frolicking around in Vegas?"

Hyde gave her a smug look. "No, because I don't _frolic._" He took a step backward and shrugged. "It was in Vegas. I was really drunk, and… I don't know. She just showed up at the Formans the other day and told me we got married."

"What about Jackie?" Angie asked. "I thought you two were still together."

"See, here's the thing," Hyde said. "I caught her and Kelso in a motel room when I went to… visit her." He shrugged.

"So it ended?" Angie asked.

"Unofficially," Hyde said casually. "Then I came back, and we sat and talked. Things were going pretty good, and then Sam just shows up. A day or so later, Sam leaves, and I don't know what to think."

"About the stripper or Jackie?" Angie raised her eyebrows at her brother.

Hyde bit his lip and shrugged again. "Dunno."

As if on cue, Jackie entered Grooves.

"Steven!" she said, running inside.

"Jackie." Hyde looked at her as she approached him. "What're you doing here?"

Jackie looked around, thinking, and bit her lip. "I-uh… well, Fez is changing his name!"

"So?" Hyde gave her a weird look. "_That's_ why you're here?"

"Uh, well no," Jackie said, and noticed Angie. "I came to see Angie, if you were wondering."

Hyde raised his eyebrows. "Since when are you and Angie friends?"

Jackie scoffed. "Since always!" She walked up to Angie and hugged her. "Angie! I haven't seen you in so long!"

Angie gave Hyde a weird look over Jackie's shoulder. She patted Jackie's back. "Yeah, I… missed you, Jackie." Jackie pulled away and stood in front of Angie. "In fact, why haven't you been around here all the time?"

Jackie's eyes widened, and she thought. "I just… have been really busy." She shrugged. "So many guys have many asking me on all these dates, and I just can't keep track of my time anymore." She laughed. "What can you do?"

"What a load of crap," Hyde muttered from behind them.

Jackie turned around and gave him a weird look. "Oh, what do you know, Steven?"

"That you're full of crap!" Hyde shot back.

Jackie sighed and turned toward Angie. "So Angie, wanna go out to lunch? My treat."

"Jackie, you cannot just 'buy' my sister," Hyde said, walking up to them.

"Well, don't be too hasty, Steven," Angie said, shooting a smile at Jackie. "Where are we talking?"

"Hmm, well… how about the Vineyard?" she suggested, and Angie's jaw dropped.

"Oh my God, that place is _great!_" She turned to Hyde. "Steven, take care of this place when we're gone."

She turned around with Jackie and they left, giggling. Hyde went back to the counter and sighed.

oOoOoOo

Fez and Kelso are at the Secretary of State, filling out paperwork.

"What do you think of Gene Knievel?" Kelso asked, turning to Fez. "You know, like Gene Simmons and Evel Knievel?"

"It is nice, but it is not you," Fez admitted. "I think you're more of a…" He grinned and rolled his 'r'. "Rrricardo!"

Kelso nodded. "Yeah, Ricardo's a pretty cool name," he agreed.

"There we go. Finished" Fez put down his pen. "From now on, you can call me Michael Christopher Kelso." He grinned at his friend.

Kelso grinned back. "That's a pretty groovy name." He closed his eyes, thinking. "Man, what should my name be?"

"I already told you what I thought," Fez said with a shrug. "Oh, everybody will be so pleased with my new name. Everybody loves you, even Red."

Kelso's eyes widened. "Fez," he said slowly.

"What?" Fez asked.

"You know what else is groovy?"

"What?"

"Red Forman," Kelso said with a little grin.

Fez thought about it and nodded. "Well, Mister Red is a good man, but groovy?" He raised his eyebrows at his friend.

"No, Fez," Kelso said with a big smile. "_Red Forman._ I could _be_ Red Forman!"

Fez stared at Kelso for a moment. "Kelso, you are a _genius_!"

"I know!' Kelso and Fez high fived. "Just call me Red… dumbass!"

oOoOoOo

Donna, Eric, Jackie, and Angie are in the basement.

"And I cut the grass, and when I finished-" Eric paused for dramatic effect. "Red actually sort of smiled at me! It was like he was… proud or something!"

Donna raised her eyebrows at her boyfriend. "Are you sure he wasn't just, like, twitching?"

Eric shook his head. "No, Donna, I've seen that happen before, and this was no twitch!"

"Eric, it sounds like you and your father have some serious relationship issues," Angie said with a nod. "I mean, my dad always smiles at me. Either that, or he hands me a new credit card, or money, or something."

"Me too!" Jackie exclaimed. "God, I never knew we had so much in common!"

Hyde walked in.

"Angie, what the hell?" He asked, taking off his jacket. "I thought you were leaving for lunch, not the whole day!"

Angie shrugged. "I was going to come back, but I actually had a good time." She nodded and raised her eyebrows. "You know, I originally was only going for the food, but Jackie and I actually bonded a little bit."

"We sure did," Jackie said with a smile, and put an arm around Angie.

Hyde looked at them and frowned. "Whatever, man. Just show up on time to work tomorrow." He pointed a finger at his sister, looking her in the eyes.

"Hyde, do you hear yourself?" Donna asked with a laugh.

"Yeah, Hyde," Eric said, smiling. "The feds really got you, huh?"

"Shut up, Forman," Hyde said, sitting down in his chair. "I'm doin' it for the money and I'm saving people from terrible music."

Angie glared at her brother. "Is that why you keep hiding the Anne Murray and Joni Mitchell albums in the back?"

Eric whipped his head to face Hyde. "Wh- Anne Murray? But she's so great!"

Hyde scoffed, and Kelso and Fez entered the basement.

"So, Fez, you change your name?" Eric asked, looking at his foreign friend who was standing in the doorway.

Fez nodded. "You are now looking at… wait for it… Michael Kelso!"

"What?" Everybody asked in unison.

"Wait, wait, you guys didn't hear mine yet," Kelso said excitedly. "Guess what my name is?"

Eric looked at Kelso. "I don't know, Arthur Fonzarelli?"

"No, idiot," Kelso said, walking in front of everybody. "I'm Red Forman." He goofily grinned.

"What?"

Donna's jaw dropped. "Kelso, you-"

"You mean Red," Kelso pointed out, interrupting her.

"Whatever," Donna said. "You can't just take this as a joke, okay?"

"Yeah, man, this is serious," Eric agreed. "You changed your legal name." He took a deep breath and nodded. "Red's gonna kick your ass."

Kelso rolled his eyes. "Come on, you guys couldn't be more wrong." Everybody stared at him. "What?" he asked. "Why would I kick my own ass?"

"Michael, you know what they mean," Angie said, looking at Kelso.

"No, I am afraid that I do not," Fez said, and Angie rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Kelso," Kelso said to Fez. "Let's go tell the other Red about our new names!"

Eric rolled his eyes as Kelso and Fez ran upstairs. "They're gonna regret that one."

Sure enough, a minute later, the kids heard a loud "YOU DID WHAT?"

"You moron!" Red said, stomping toward Kelso in the kitchen. "Why the _hell_ would you change your name to mine?"

"Well, uh… it's a tribute to you, Mr. Forman," Kelso said nervously.

Kitty looked disapprovingly at Kelso. "Oh, Michael, honey… why?"

Fez stood next to her. "I didn't do anything." He shrugged.

Kitty just looked at him, then back at Red.

"If you don't go back there and change your name back to the way it was, my foot will be going straight up your ass!" Red said angrily.

"Red, I can't do that!" Kelso said. "My name is taken!"

"Well, have the foreign kid change his back, too!" Red exclaimed. "I don't want _you kids _ruining _my_ name!"

"Mr. Forman, I cannot do that," Fez admitted. "I am finally accepted here."

Red glared at him. "Who decided that? I swear, I will put you in a box and ship you back to your country in a truck filled with bananas or whatever the hell they export there!"

"I have an American name now," Fez explained. "Names make you who you are. For example, Michael means 'a handsome cheating father of an illegitimate child.'"

"Yeah," Kelso agreed with a grin. "And Red means-"

"It means 'a strong, scary man who _will_ kick both of your asses!" Red threatened, and Kelso and Fez cowered behind Kitty.

Red fumed and closed his eyes. "You know what? If you won't change your names, I'll play your game." He grabbed the keys and headed toward the door.

Kitty worriedly walked toward her husband. "Red, what are you-"

Red shut the door, and left.

oOoOoOo

Eric and Hyde are talking in Hyde's room.

"Forman, I just don't get Angie," Hyde muttered. "She never liked Jackie until now."

Eric shook his head. "Man, it's just Jackie trying to get back at you for marrying a stripper. I mean, you got a stripper, so she gets… your sister." He grinned, thinking of a different scenario.

Hyde rolled his eyes. "W.B. is definitely gonna hear about this."

"You really want your dad to know about you marrying a stripper, drunk in Las Vegas?" Eric asked his friend.

Hyde shrugged. "W.B. don't care, man."

"But doesn't he like Jackie?" Eric asked. "Plus, he doesn't even know you two broke up."

"Whatever," Hyde said. "I just know that I don't like this little weird friendship they started. Jackie needs to know that she can't just buy friends."

"It seems like they realized they had more in common than that," Eric admitted. "For instance, I heard them complaining about you, talking about you, and… well, complaining about you some more."

Hyde snorted. "I don't even get what they're complaining about. They're all annoying, bitchy girls."

"Hyde, I would totally agree with you if I wasn't convinced that Donna can hear us from out there," Eric said, glancing at the door nervously.

Hyde jumped, causing Eric to scream.

Hyde laughed and leaned back. "Ah, that's fun."

oOoOoOo

Kitty is about to serve dinner to Hyde and Eric. Kelso and Fez are standing nearby, and Red walks in the house.

"Where'd you go, Red?" Kitty asked, setting two places at the counter for Kelso and Fez.

"Oh, no, I'm not Red," Red said. "I changed my name."

Kitty gave him a worried look. "Oh Red, I hope you're joking."

Red shook his head. "Nope." He turned toward Kelso and Fez. "I'm now officially 'Kel So Stupid."

Hyde and Eric choked on their food, trying not to laugh, while Kitty's eyes widened as she gasped.

"Kel So Stupid?" Kelso asked, whipping his head around. "Did you really change your name to that?"

Red nodded, and Fez's eyes widened.

"Well, Mister Stupid, I-"

"Nope," Red interrupted, shaking his head. "You have to call me by my full name."

"Um, Kel So Stupid, are you making fun of my last name?" Fez asked.

'No," Red said simply with a smile. "It's my name." He sat at the table and picked up his fork.

Kelso looked around nervously. "Red, you know, my-"

"Nuh, uh, uh," Red warned. "What's my name?"

"Uh, Kel So Stupid, you know that my parents might be… a bit offended if they hear this," Kelso said with a nod.

"Well, _Red,_" Red said with a sly smile. "I think some other people were offended by your name change."

Kelso bit his lip. "Mr. Forman," he started.

"Why are you talking to yourself, _Mr. Forman_?" Red asked, raising his eyebrows at the young man.

Kelso looked around, then stood up. "Okay, I can't do this!" He ran out the door and poked his head in when Fez didn't follow. "Come on, Kelso!" He called, and Fez got up and followed them.

"They'd better be on the way to the Secretary of State," Red said with a small smile as he took a bite of corn.

"Um," Kitty started nervously, "What about you… 'Kel So Stupid?'"

"Hm?" Red looked up. "Oh, hell, I didn't drive all the way to Milwaukee. I went to the hardware store, then stopped to pick up some beer from the party store."

"So… your name is still Red?" Kitty asked hopefully.

"Of course, Kitty," Red said. "You know I'm no Kelso."

The family continues eating.


	4. Ep 4: Beneath, Between, & Behind

**Episode 4 – Beneath, Between, & Behind**

Eric, Kelso, Fez, and Hyde sat in the basement watching TV when Donna threw open the door.

"Guys, guess what?" Donna asked excitedly.

"You got a baboon!" Kelso exclaimed, and Donna gave him a weird look.

"No." She grinned again. "I'm up for a Wavie award!" She looked around the room for responses.

"Are you surfing?" Kelso asked, cocking his head to the side.

"No, you tool." Donna pushed past him and sat next to Eric. "It's a radio award. I'm up for best radio show!"

"Oh, well… congratulations!" Eric smiled and put an arm around her.

"I've got some good news, too," Fez said. "I have been promoted! Now I am not just a shampoo boy, I also give massages." He wiggled his fingers around. "_Foot _massages!"

Hyde gave him a weird look. "Donna, what exactly is the point of this award? Will you be promoted?"

Donna shrugged and thought. "It's mostly for the prestige, but… well, no, it's for the prestige." She grinned.

"Hey, no one's happy for me?" Fez asked. "I earn forty five cents more an hour!"

"I'm happy for you, Fez," Kelso said and then turned to Donna, Eric, and Hyde. "Some friends you guys are."

"You know, it's times like these I feel like the reject of this group," Eric commented, looking around.

Hyde gave him a confused look. "You don't feel like that all the time?"

"No," Eric said. "You've all got so much going on. Kelso's in law enforcement, Donna's a radio personality, Hyde, you've got your record store, and even Fez has his… finger talents!" He shrugged. "I just don't know what I'm good at."

"Oh, come on, Eric," Donna said reassuringly. "You're good at lots of things."

"Like what?" Eric asked excitedly.

"Um… well, there's…" She thought, and then smiled. "You're like, a top notch boyfriend."

Eric sighed. "Come on, that's not a talent."

"You're really good at failing at stuff," Hyde pointed out. "Like the SAT's, and sports… and making your dad proud."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Red." Eric thought for a moment and snapped his fingers. "Red. He's the reason I'm not good at anything."

"Why do you say that?" Donna asked.

"He never pushed me to do anything!" Eric said. "I mean, Red could've spent some time with me and taught me… I don't know, how to paint. How to build stuff or how to… own a store." She sheepishly smiled and shrugged. "Isn't it a father's job to teach his kid how to excel?"

"Well, my dad handed the record store right to me," Hyde stated. "So, yeah."

"My father taught me how to use my hands when killing birds," Fez said with a nod. "Of course, I'm gentler now when I'm massaging."

The door opened and Jackie appeared, smiling. When she saw Hyde, however, it disappeared.

"Hey Steven," she said casually and turned to Donna. "Donna, I need you to help me get ready for a date tonight."

Donna gave her a weird look. "You want me to help you get ready? You're always saying I have bad taste."

"I know, I know," Jackie said. "I'm gonna ask you what outfit you like best, and the one that you choose will be shipped off to the Goodwill." She smiled and nodded. "Come on!"

Donna sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine." The girls left the basement.

"What the hell, man?" Hyde asked, gesturing toward the door. "We break up for like, an hour and she goes out with another guy?"

"Uh, Hyde?" Eric said, eyebrows raised. "To be fair, you married another woman."

"So what? It wasn't legitimate!" Hyde stood up and stormed into his room.

Kelso raised his eyebrows and yawned; then stood up. "Well, guys, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a fake date with Jackie to attend." He grinned. "We'll end up doing it."

Fez's jaw dropped. "Jackie's date is fake?" Kelso nodded. "Why does she always choose you?" Fez whined. "For once, I would like it to be Fez's turn."

"Well, I can explain that one to you in only a few words," Kelso said, nodding. "Jackie wants an attractive guy so she can make Hyde jealous, and who's more attractive here than me?"

Eric raised his eyebrows again. "That was more than a few words."

Kelso shook his head. "I'm no good at math anyways."

"Alright, yeah, me neither," Eric admitted; then thought. "Damn it! I'm no good at anything."

oOoOoOo

Donna and Jackie are in their room, looking at outfits laid on Donna's bed.

"So Jackie, who's this guy you're going on a date with?" Donna asked.

Jackie bit her lip. "Promise not to say anything?"

Donna nodded. "Of course not." She grinned and leaned in. "Is it that guy with the foxy hairdo that works at the movies?"

Jackie shook her head. "Nope, it's Michael."

"Jackie!" Donna lightly smacked her friend's arm. "Why would you go out with him when he ruined your last relationship?"

Jackie gently sat down on the bed, smoothing out her dress. "Listen, Donna. He owed me a favor for what he did, and-"

"So you ask him to ruin your relationship _again_?" Donna interrupted.

"No," Jackie said slowly, giving Donna a look. "Look, obviously Steven will get jealous knowing that I'm on a date. And Michael promised not to tell. Plus, I need a night out! I had a long week filled with… crying, and… more crying… and putting together these outfits!"

Donna sighed. "Jackie, Kelso will jump at any chance to brag to Hyde that he's going out with you."

Jackie shook her head. "No, I made him promise. And he knows that he owes me, anyways."

Donna raised her eyebrows and shook her head, crossing her arms. "Whatever. Just don't say I didn't warn you."

"Believe me, I won't, Donna," Jackie insisted. "I'll have Steven back before you know it."

oOoOoOo

Eric sat at the kitchen counter while Kitty washed the dishes.

"Mom, what am I good at?" Eric asked.

Kitty gave him a big smile, trying to think. "Being my sweet little baby boy!"

"No, Mom, like… am I talented?" he asked.

"Well, honey," Kitty said as she scrubbed a plate. "You're just as good as you're supposed to be at most things."

"But that's not good enough," Eric explained, and knit his brow. "All of my friends have something going on for them right now, whether it's Donna's radio skills or… Fez's fingers." He shook his head. "I have nothing that makes me different from everybody else. I'm just… me."

"Now, there's nothing wrong with that," Kitty said, looking at her son. "It's better than being bad at everything."

"I think I graduated from that like, two years ago," Eric said, shrugging. "Now I'm just average. Boring old average."

"Oh, Eric," Kitty said worriedly, looking at her son. "You aren't old." She walked over to him and kissed his head; then walked into the living room.

"Yeah, Eric," he said to himself in a baby voice. "At least you aren't old!" He swung his arm, mimicking cheerfulness, when Red walked in the house with a bag of tools in his hands.

"Were you just talking to yourself?" Red asked, giving his son a weird look.

"Well, I would be… I don't know, curing cancer or painting masterpieces if you never gave up on me," Eric said with a nod.

Red stopped and rolled his eyes at his son. "Oh, what now?"

"You gave up on me," Eric stated. "You didn't push me to be all I could as a kid, and now I'm just 'average.'" He used his fingers as air quotes.

Red rolled his eyes and put the tools on the counter. "I would have pushed you if you didn't cry every damn time someone threw a ball at you."

"This isn't about sports," Eric said, then considered "Well, it could be, but right now it's not. This is about my life and me being 'average.'" Air quotes were again used. "I mean, why did you never teach me how to use… well, those tools for example." He pointed to the bag on the counter.

"For God's sake, Eric," Red said, "When you lost interest in something, or, I don't know, cried your way out of it… I didn't want to push you, especially with your mother on my back the whole time. Well, I partially didn't want to be around you at those times, but still." He nodded. "Also, you'd run away screaming every time you saw a hammer."

"Well, why didn't you teach me how to kill birds with my hands? Or give me a store?" Eric asked, eyebrows raised.

"You're on dope," Red said, rolling his eyes.

"No, Dad, really," Eric said. "I could have been better than this."

"Better than what?" Red asked.

"This!" Eric gestured to the house. "I don't want to be average, okay? I want to live a great life, a life worth living."

"And you're blaming me?" Red asked.

"Well, yeah," Eric said with a nod. "I'm average, because you're average."

Red looked at his son, then looked back down and continued unpacking his tools.

oOoOoOo

Jackie and Kelso are eating at a restaurant.

The waiter came up and handed Kelso the bill. "Whenever you're ready, sir," the waiter said, and walked away.

"Well, thank you for dinner, Michael," Jackie said as she put her fork down. "It was actually enjoyable."

"Wait, so we're not going halfsies on this?" Kelso asked, and Jackie shook her head. "Damn, Jackie, this isn't even a real date!" He pulled his wallet out. "Did you have to get the fifteen dollar steak?"

Jackie shrugged. "So Michael, you didn't tell anybody you were my date, _right_?"

"Well, I didn't tell Hyde," Kelso said, nodding proudly.

"But you told Eric and Fez?" Jackie asked, eyes wide, and Kelso nodded. "Stupid! You promised!" She kicked him under the table.

"Ow!" Kelso pouted, and added: "I promised not to tell Hyde. Plus I told them not to tell."

Jackie rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Michael, just make sure that Steven doesn't find out."

"I know when to keep my mouth shut," Kelso said, smirking.

oOoOoOo

"So you're tellin' me that Jackie's actually on a date with Kelso right now?" Hyde asked Fez, and he nodded.

"Yes, but don't tell Kelso!" Fez put a finger to his lips.

"Whatever, man," he muttered as Kelso entered the basement. "Hey, man. Where's Jackie?"

"At Donna's, I think," Kelso answered. "Why?"

"No reason," Hyde said, standing up to walk out the door, but frogged Kelso on the arm before leaving.

oOoOoOo

"How was the date?" Donna asked as Jackie entered her bedroom.

"As fun as a date with Michael can get," Jackie said, rolling her eyes. "Whatever. As long as it works, it's so worth it."

Just as she spoke, Hyde walked into Donna's room.

"Jackie, can I talk to you for a sec?" Hyde asked.

Jackie turned around and grinned at Donna, mouthing "This is it," then nodded. "Of course, Steven."

She stepped into the hallway with Hyde and smiled. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, word on the street is that you went on a date," Hyde said, nodding.

Jackie eyed Hyde, raising her eyebrows. "Why, yes I did, Steven. Why do you care?"

"Can I just know what this guy's name is?" Hyde asked.

Jackie covered her mouth, smiling. "Are you gonna beat him up because you still love me?" She gasped, then recomposed herself. "I mean… Steven, you can't do that."

"Relax, I'm not doing that," Hyde muttered. "What was his name?"

"Well, it was… Re… Fer…" She struggled to think of a name. "It's just, it was so sexy, I can't remember it," she said with a shrug.

Hyde narrowed his eyes. "I think the name you're trying so hard to think of is 'Kelso.' Kind of surprising that you'd forget his name, given the fact that you've only had sex with him a million times." He shrugged casually. "Guess this means that you did cheat on me with him in Chicago, and today was just another excuse for sex with him." A disgusted look was displayed on his face.

Jackie's eyes widened and she slowly shook her head. "No, no, Steven… oh God, this isn't what was supposed to happen." She put a hand to her head, looking down.

"Yeah, well, whatever, Jackie," Hyde spat. "Keep on fooling around with Kelso if you like it so much." He started walking away.

"No, Steven-" Jackie started, and Hyde continued walking.

oOoOoOo

Eric walked into the living room from the kitchen to find his father on the couch, watching TV. "Dad," he started.

"No, son… come here," Red ordered, and Eric walked over to sit on the couch.

"What?" Eric asked, scared. "Are you gonna kill me?"

Red shook his head. "No."

"I'm sorry, Dad," Eric said. "What I said was really terrible, and I… I shouldn't have said it."

"Listen, Eric," Red said sharply, causing Eric to sit up. "When I was a boy, my father worked a lot and didn't have much time for me or my brothers." He nodded, keeping up with the story. "Do you know what his job was?"

"No, sir," Eric responded.

"He was a factory worker," Red replied. "He made very little money and he did it his whole life. And I always swore that I would make my home better than what my life was growing up. When I got sent to Korea, I thought I would miss my chance to make my life mean something. I got back, though, and met your mother, and got a job." He sighed. "We started a family. And if my father could see what we all have right now, I bet he would be stunned." He pointed a finger at Eric. "Why are you so ashamed to be average?" He raised his eyebrows at his son. "Average seemed great to me when I returned from Korea. My father worked his ass off so I could be 'average.'"

"Sir, I-" Eric started, but Red shook his head.

"I respected him for that, because he did the best that he could for his family, and I was _proud_ of him," Red said, looking his son in the eyes. "And he would have been proud of me, too." He shrugged. "I mean, if my son thinks that average is nothing, then maybe I've done my job. But I'm sorry that you're not proud." Red nodded toward his son. "Of my father, of your own father… or yourself." He got up and walked into the kitchen and Eric stared after him, thinking about what his father just said.

oOoOoOo

Hyde returned to the basement, and Kelso and Fez watched him.

"So are you two back together?" Kelso asked excitedly.

"Why the hell would we be together?" Hyde asked. "I know that it was you that went on that date with her."

"Who told you?" Kelso stuttered, sitting up.

"Fez," Hyde said as Fez shook his head from behind Kelso.

"Fez!" Kelso shouted, turning around to his friend. "I told you not to tell!"

"Whatever, man," Hyde said, shaking his head. "You can have her. I'm done with this."

"No, Hyde, you're all wrong," Kelso said. "Jackie just-"

Hyde sat down in his chair. "Kelso, I don't care." Jackie entered the basement.

"Steven, listen to me," Jackie said, walking towards him.

"Jackie," Hyde started, but Fez interrupted him.

"Listen to her, Hyde!"

Hyde rolled his eyes, but looked at Jackie. "Go ahead."

Jackie sighed. "Steven, I made up the date so you would want me back, and Michael owed me for losing you the first time, so he agreed to help me."

"So you chose Kelso?" Hyde asked. "After the whole Chicago thing?"

"What was I supposed to do?" Jackie shrugged. "I didn't know what to do, but I just… once Sam left, I knew I needed to jump at the chance to be with you again while I could."

Hyde sighed and was quiet for a moment. "Would you get out of here for a minute?" he asked Kelso and Fez. The two got up and walked up the stairs, leaning their heads in to listen.

"Jackie, this has happened too many times," Hyde admitted, looking up at her.

"Yeah, but Steven, I did it to be with you," she said. "I swear, there will never be any funny business with Michael and I, ever."

Hyde sighed and thought for a moment. "Fine."

Jackie stopped, and with a little smile said: "Does this mean that we're back together?"

"I don't know man, man," Hyde said. "Maybe." He stood up. Jackie ran to him, and they embraced and kissed.

"Awww," Kelso and Fez echoed from the stairs.

"Get the hell out of here!" Hyde yelled, then went back to kissing Jackie.

oOoOoOo

Dinner was being served in the kitchen, and Eric walked in to see Hyde and Red at the table, with his mother about to put food on it.

"Dad?" Eric asked, sitting down.

Red sighed. "What, Eric?"

"I'm sorry for what I said." He nodded. "Really sorry. I never really heard the story of you growing up and everything… I guess I just kind of took what I have for granted." Eric had a worried look on his face and nodded. "I hope you can forgive me."

"Of course, Eric," Red said sincerely, then looked up at his son. "Keep your mouth shut next time, got it?"

"Yes sir," Eric said and put a spoonful of mashed potatoes on his plate.

"Well," Kitty said with a laugh, "I'm not completely sure what that's about, but everything's resolved! Yay!" She picked up a spoon. "Green beans for everyone!"

**A/N: This chapter was inspired by an episode of Boy Meets World. Please review!**


	5. Ep 5: Working Man

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! Enjoy and keep on reviewing And a head's up to people who say I'm just redoing the season with other shows plots… that was one. I gave it credit. Read the rest, they're 100% original.**

**-Farewell**

**Episode 5 – Working Man**

Red, Kitty, Eric, and Hyde are eating breakfast in the kitchen.

"Honey, are you excited to start the internship today?" Kitty asked with a smile.

Eric nodded. "I mean, it's not like getting my entire college paid for-" He looked at his father. "-but it's better than going to Africa."

Red put his fork down. "Will you quit complaining? At least you found an alternative!"

Eric shrugged. "I'm a little nervous, but how hard can help a teacher, of all people, be?" He raised his eyebrows. "I mean, 'sure, I can sharpen those pencils!' and 'why, of course I'll shine that apple for you!'" He grinned. "Not too bad." He stopped and took a bite of the hash browns that were on his plate. "Plus, it's a high school. These kids are mature now."

Red shook his head. "Now, I don't know why you're just assuming these things, Eric. You're nineteen and you aren't mature yet!"

"Oh Red," Kitty said warningly, "At least he's working!" She laughed slowly and nervously, eyeing her husband. "Meaning he's out of the house."

"Oh!" Red took a quick bite of his eggs. "Then congratulations, dumbass!" Kitty glared at him. "Er, I mean son."

Kitty took a drink of orange juice, put the glass down, and smiled. "Well, I am just so happy that all of you kids are busy now!"

Eric gave her a weird look. "Why do you want me out of the house?"

"Well, honey," Kitty said. "We want you to do something with your life!" She looked at Red. "We want our children to have bright futures."

Hyde grinned. "Yep, Eric's a student teacher and Laurie's a-"

"Oh, sweetie," Kitty interrupted. "That's no talk for breakfast." She stood up and tapped the table. "Well, you should get ready to go, Eric!"

Eric took a final bite of toast and stood up. "I guess I should." He grabbed his keys and headed toward the door. "Wish me luck!" Then he grinned and under his breath, muttered, "Yeah, like I'm gonna need it."

oOoOoOo

Hyde and Jackie are on the couch, making out. Donna and Fez walk in.

"Really, you guys?" Donna asked, throwing a magazine at the two of them. "You're supposedly broken up for good, and then I walk in on you two frenching again?"

"Yes," Fez agreed with a nod. "You two should really get a room."

Jackie raised her eyebrows at him. "Fez-"

"I said get a room!" Fez said quickly and sat down in the chair as Hyde moved over to his own chair.

"You guys should get off our case," Jackie said, nodding toward them. "Steven and I are in love and need to express it."

Donna tried to hide a laugh. "Is that true, Hyde?" She giggled. "Are you two in 'looove'?"

Hyde rolled his eyes, unsure of what to say. "Whatever." Jackie glared at him.

"Steven," she warned, and he shrugged.

Fez took a bite of a candy bar that he pulled out of his pocket. "I wish I was in love with a woman. Instead, I am in love with candy and boobs."

Jackie gave him a weird look. "Fez, if you want to fall in love, you need to make yourself available." She smiled and sat up. "You know what? I can teach you! We'll have little classes… it'll be so much fun!"

"You can help me find a lady?" Fez asked, looking hopeful, and Jackie nodded.

"Believe me, Fez," Jackie said, "I succeed at anything I try."

Donna shook her head. "That's not true."

Jackie gave her a death glare. "Oh, give me one example."

"Well, you said you'd never be with a guy who cheated on you again," Donna said. "Hyde did that."

"I was lying, Donna," Jackie said, narrowing her eyes. "Listen, I'm Jackie Burkhart. I can do anything I want, date any guy I want, and go anyplace I want. And Fez, if you want a girlfriend, you are fortunate enough to know somebody who knows plenty of things about women." She looked over at her blonde friend. "Unlike Donna."

"Whatever, Jackie," Donna said and sat down next to Jackie. "Fez, just watch out; I'm warning you."

Fez shrugged. "As long as I end up with a woman, I am happy." He ate the last bite of his candy bar. "Come on, Jackie." He smiled as he stood up. "Show me how to seduce a woman!"

Jackie stood up. "Okay." She kissed Hyde and walked out the door with Fez.

oOoOoOo

Eric walked into the familiar old high school, strolling through the halls where students were roaming before school stared

"S240, okay." He looked at the room in front of him and walked in. "Excuse me, are you Leonard Warren?"

The older man turned around. "That's Mr. Warren to you, young man," he said, raising his eyebrows at Eric. "Aren't you a little early for class?"

Eric laughed and shook his head. "Oh, no, I'm the student teacher… Eric Forman?"

Leonard gave Eric a once over. "I thought you were older than this… how old are you?"

"I'll be twenty next March, sir," Eric stated with a nod.

"Hmm…" Leonard closed his eyes in thought. "You sure you're up to this?"

"Of course," Eric said. "This is what I've wanted to do… I mean, it's my future."

"You really think so?" Leonard asked, and patted a desk, indicating for Eric to sit down. Eric walked over and sat in a desk while Leonard stood over him. "I'm just letting you know, teaching high school is no picnic."

"Of course not, sir," Eric responded. "But I won't be teaching high school… you will."

"Being a student teacher and assistant is an important job, son," Leonard said, pushing up his glasses. "You didn't think you'd come here to sit around all day sharpening pencils, did you?"

Eric shook his head violently. "Not at all," he lied. "I'm up for it. I'll be fine."

Leonard raised his eyebrows yet again. "Alright."

Twenty minutes into class, Eric had already introduced himself, passed out syllabi, and handed out pencils. He sat down near the side of the room and smiled.

_Piece of cake, _he thought. _This is exactly as easy as I imagined._

"Eh, um, Mr. Forman," Leonard said, clearing his throat. "I need to run to the copy machine. Make sure the class works on filling these papers out."

"Will do, Mr. Warren," Eric responded, flashing a grin.

The moment Leonard stepped out of the door, the entire class turned to Eric.

"Who the hell are you?" one boy asked.

A blonde girl interrupted him. "I know who he is. He graduated with my sister two years ago. She always talked about what a loser he was."

Eric gave them weird looks. "Uh, Mr. Warren said to keep working on your papers, so…"

"Shut up," another kid spat from the back of the room. "You're what, like a year older than me?"

"Actually, I'm nineteen," Eric tried, but was interrupted again.

"Well I could kick your ass!" the boy said, standing up.

"If you kids keep this up," Eric threatened, his voice shaking, "I'll have to tell Mr. Warren."

The entire class stood up and started throwing erasers and paper balls at him.

"Oh, well this is great," Eric muttered as he braced himself.

oOoOoOo

Jackie and Fez are standing in Donna's room.

"Okay, Fez," Jackie said, looking him in the eye. "So, when you see a girl you like, you need to give her a look like this." She whipped her head toward him and looked at him seductively. "And when she gives you a casual nod, like this…" She demonstrated. "You slowly and _romantically_ walk toward her, look her in the eye, and say-"

Cuts to Fez and Jackie at the Hub. Fez is slowly walking toward a woman, and makes eye contact with her.

"Hello, my lady," Fez said in a husky voice. "I will give you anything you want or need." He grinned. "Can I buy you something? Perhaps some fries, or… a diamond necklace?" He looked back at Jackie, and she gave him two thumbs up.

The woman looked at Fez, amused, and burst out laughing. Then, she turned around and left.

Fez frowned and turned around, walking toward Jackie.

"Jackie, what did I do wrong?" he asked, frustrated.

Jackie thought, and shook her head. "You know what, Fez? It's the accent. You're _way_ too obviously foreign." She nodded, agreeing with herself. "I don't know why I didn't think of it before." She shrugged.

"So what do I do?" Fez asked.

Jackie knit her brow in thought. "Well, you're either going to: A, date an uggo, or B, act less foreign." She smirked and shrugged.

Fez looked scared. "How do I do that? I don't want to date an uggo!"

"Okay, we're gonna have to work on your look," Jackie said, inspecting him.

"Jackie, no!" Fez insisted. "I've seen your boyfriend, and I do _not_ want to look like Hyde." He looked upward, and a vision of Fez with a small afro, a Led Zeppelin shirt, and dark sunglasses on appeared. He shook his head violently. "No, no!"

Jackie rolled her eyes. "Fez, just because Steven has poor style doesn't mean that _I _do… I mean, look at me!"

Fez looked at her, and looked upward again, picturing himself in her outfit. "I'm still not getting it."

Jackie sighed "Fine, Fez. Let's go to the mall."

Fez smiled and followed her out the door.

oOoOoOo

Donna, Hyde, and Red are at the kitchen table while Kitty is cleaning the sink.

"Now, I wonder where Eric is," Kitty wondered aloud, looking at the clock. "I mean, it's four!"

"Yeah," Donna agreed. "I wonder how today went for him." She thought, and shrugged. "I'm sure it was fine."

"Well, it's Forman," Hyde pointed out. "If today was fine, that means that he would be lucky. And if he were lucky… well, that would mean that hell has frozen over."

Donna smiled and rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything, because she knew it was true.

Eric walked in, looked around, and bit his lip.

"Hi, honey!" Kitty said, grinning at her son from the other end of the kitchen. "How was your day?"

"It was…" Eric looked around, trying to find the words. "The worst day of my life! Mommy, hold me!" He ran to his mother who hugged him.

"Oh, sweetie." She pulled away from her son, looking at him. "What happened this time? Did your trousers fall down? I always told you to wear a belt…"

"No, Mom," Eric started, "These kids… they're _monsters._"

Donna laughed. "Eric, they're like, fifteen."

"Fifteen year old _monsters_!" Eric replied, snatching the air with his hand as his eyes widened.

"Well, what did they do?" Donna asked.

"They…" Eric racked his brain for the words. "Let's just say that I got sent back in a time portal back to a horrible time called 1972."

Donna's eyes widened. "The seventh grade?"

Hyde nodded. "Yeah, man, that's the year those kids taped you to the lockers and-"

"Don't… finish that story," Donna said, putting her hand up; then leaned in towards Hyde, lowering her voice. "It still gives him nightmares." She looked back at her frightened boyfriend. "So it was that bad? What did they do?"

"They called me names," Eric said, staring off into space, horrified. "They threw things at my head. They called me Foreplay; it was high school all over again!"

Hyde snorted. "Foreplay… what about Foreskin?"

"Don't give them any ideas, Hyde," Eric said with his eyes wide, then explained: "I think they planted a mic on me somewhere along the way."

Kitty frowned. "Well, sweetie, you just need to show them who's in charge!" She marched up to her son. "Say, 'I'm Mr. Forman, and I won't take this!'" She stopped and grinned. "_Mr. Forman! _Red, our son's a little man!"

Red rolled his eyes; then looked seriously at his son. "Eric, if you try to weasel your way out of this internship, I swear, I will-"

"Dad, no," Eric insisted. "This is so terrible… I mean, this is worse than when I worked at the dog food factory."

Donna and Hyde's heads whipped around to look at him. "Really?"

"Yeah," Eric said with a nod. "Yeah, and if I keep this up, it could be extremely traumatizing to me… I may black this out and discover it someday when I'm fifty, in fact."

"For God's sake, Eric," Red muttered, and glared at his son. "When I was your age, I was getting my ass kicked by some Japanese fools, and here you are complaining about how you have a job." He shook his head, looking down. "Why couldn't you have gone to Africa?"

"Red," Kitty warned, and sat down next to her son. "But Eric, your father is right. Don't be too hasty with this decision, alright?" She looked him in the eye and patted his knee. "It's only one year, and then it's off to junior college for you!" She smiled, hoping to see some pep in Eric's eyes, but failed.

"No son of mine is quitting the first good job he has," Red stated, taking a sip of coffee. "I mean, it was fine when you quit your job as a burger boy, but this? This is your future, Eric!"

Eric sighed. "Dad, maybe I don't want to-"

"No," Red interrupted him. "You said you wanted to do this. You've had plenty of time to think about this. You're doing this, and that's final."

"But Dad-" Eric insisted.

"If you say one more word, my foot will be up your ass, Eric," Red warned.

Eric sighed, got up, and went downstairs.

Kitty looked at her husband disapprovingly. "Now, Red."

"What?" he asked. "It's the only way I know how to get him to actually do something!"

oOoOoOo

Jackie and Fez are back at the Hub.

"Okay, Fez, this is the ultimate test," Jackie said, straightening Fez's jacket.

"What?" Fez asked, then grinned. "Are we going to practice making out?"

Jackie rolled her eyes. "No. I set you up on a date with my less pretty friend, Martha. Now, if you can get her to say at least _one_ good thing about you to me, you'll pass my class on getting a girl."

"But I won't get a girl," Fez pointed out.

"But you'll be _ready_ to get a girl," Jackie said as the door opened up. A decent-looking brunette walked in. "Okay, Fez, this is her. I'm going home; call me when you're done!" She grinned and ran out of the door.

"Hello, beautiful," Fez murmured as Martha approached him. "Um, I mean Martha."

She smiled. "You must be Fez."

"Why, yes I am." Fez smiled as he kissed her hand; then led her to a table.

oOoOoOo

The gang minus Fez is in the basement.

"You know, guys," Eric said with a nod. "This is just my luck. I've _got _to be one of the most unlucky people in the world."

Hyde looked at Donna. "What did I say earlier?"

Donna hid a laugh and turned back to her boyfriend. "Eric, it'll be fine. It was your first day. Just give it a chance."

Eric rolled his eyes. "I'll do it, but because you told me to… not Red."

Kelso grinned. "Man, I wonder if I'll ever be as tough of a dad as Red is."

Everyone glanced at him. "No," they said in unison.

Jackie smiled. "So, I got Fez a date with Martha Pullman."

"No way!" Kelso screeched. "I tried to get her to do it with me, and for some reason it never happened. I just kinda assumed she was into chicks, so I didn't try and stop her." He grinned goofily.

"Yeah, man, she's pretty prude I heard," Eric mentioned. "And she's a bitch. Wait…" He paused. "That's how you know her, right?"

Jackie raised her eyebrows. "What?"

"Instead of Kelso's secret hot girl club… there's a secret super prude bitch club, isn't there?" Eric nodded, eyes wide. "That must be it."

Hyde shook his head. "Nah, Jackie's definitely no prude."

"Shut up!" Jackie smacked him, then turned to Eric, giving him a smug look. "I know her from the cheerleading squad in high school."

Eric shrugged. "Cheerleading squad… bitch club… what's the difference?"

Jackie just rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I told him that if he could get her to say at least one good thing about their date to me, that he passed. And believe me, I know how hard that would be… but I did slip Martha a twenty before the meeting, so she may be extra nice. That should give Fez a confidence boost."

"You paid for a girl to be nice to Fez?" Kelso asked, and laughed. "Burn!"

Jackie looked at the clock. "Come to think of it, Fez has been out for a while. I wonder if something happened."

Eric shrugged. "Why don't we all go to the Hub and see if he's okay?"

"Sure." Everyone agreed and got up.

oOoOoOo

The gang entered the Hub.

"He isn't here," Eric stated.

Jackie narrowed her eyes and approached the table where Fez and Martha previously sat. There was a note written on a napkin that was taped to the table.

"Jackie, I don't need the $20 but thanks anyways –Martha," Jackie recited, reading the note, and searched the table. "Where's my twenty dollars?"

"God knows how long that note has been there," Hyde said. "Someone obviously stole it."

Kelso bit his lip and looked around, tucking something into his pocket.

Jackie rolled her eyes. "Of course. But… where's Fez? And what did she mean? Bitches love money…" She sat down and thought. "Michael, she broke his heart, and he's too embarrassed to tell us. Take us to your apartment!"

Kelso gave her a weird look. "Jackie, come on. I mean-"

"Michael!" Jackie glared at him.

"Fine, Jackie!" Kelso sighed and the gang left.

oOoOoOo

Kelso opened the door to his and Fez's apartment.

"See, guys? He's not here." Kelso gestured to the room.

Donna paused. "Wait, I think I hear something from the bedroom."

Hyde walked over and everyone followed.

"Fez, I never knew sex could be so fun!" Martha's voice said.

"What?" Kelso's voice echoed through the apartment. Martha and Fez were heard gasping.

Everyone walked into Fez's room.

"Man, did you guys do it?" Eric asked.

Martha blushed. "Fez, I thought you said we'd be alone!"

"Shh, honey, I'll take care of this," Fez mumbled and turned to his friends. "There's a six pack in the fridge and a bag of… stuff between the couch cushions. Go at it."

Kelso bolted out of the room and the gang followed.

"Damn, Fez must be serious if he's offering us beer," Donna said, eyebrows raised.

"How did he get her to put out?" Kelso asked, amazed. "Was she a _virgin_? Am I jealous of Fez?"

Hyde shrugged, pulling the beers out of the fridge. "Maybe it's time that Fez had his turn."

"Maybe it's because I can do anything I set my mind to," Jackie said with a smile. "I'm amazing!"

The gang rolled their eyes.

oOoOoOo

Eric is in Mr. Warren's classroom, which is full of kids and missing a teacher.

"Okay, guys," Eric said, pointing to the board. "This story is about-"

"Shut it, Foreskin!" A boy yelled from the back of the classroom.

"Foreskin?" Another boy high fived him.

Eric rolled his eyes and inspected his shirt, looking for a microphone. "Damn… Hyde."


End file.
